Never Goodbye

My darling Bosty,

There is one part in the aftermath of your death that I  "skipped" I guess you could say... I did not lay you to rest. You came home with me. Not at all in the way I still so badly wish you would have, but in a pretty little blue urn.

After a month of trying to avoid looking at it each time I passed it sitting on the mantel, mostly because it took weeks for the shock that it was you in there to wear off, I picked you up. And then you started to come everywhere with me. Work, the store, to my friends. Even the Ed Sheeran concert I went to just to hear your song. Some people might find it weird or unsettling but being able to have you with me was the only reason I got through the last year and a half. On the 27th that is going to change.
You will be laid to rest right next to your Great Grandma Jean. Thinking about it instantly brings tears to my eyes and its going to be more difficult than I can put into words to get use to. Whenever I'm having a rough time it has become instinct to instantly reach for you.

 I never thought a time would come that I would make this decision and I pray you know its not because I no longer want you with me. There is not a day that goes by that  I don't dream of what it would be like to not have your absence haunting me...but that's the thing. Your urn holds what remains of your earthly existence, it is a part of you that is sacred to me but it is not the you I ache to have by my side. I want my chubby baby that had just learned how to blow spit bubbles, but it is time for me to face the fact that I don't get to have that you until my time comes.

Please know how much I love and adore you. My work is only a couple minutes away from the cemetery and I promise I will come see you every day on my lunch break.
 I am so sorry.

I love you and it's never goodbye... It's see you later.